Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
