Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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