Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
