you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
