Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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