So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
