Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
