reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
