I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
