Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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