I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
