At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
