Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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