I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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