I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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