whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i drank out of a bidet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize