I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
