Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
