how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
