She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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