So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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