6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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