If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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