Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize