He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its liver damage thursday
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