brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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