U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
