She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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