yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
