I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
