Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
