remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
