So drunk its hurt
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just pynch a tree in the face
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I look better un-naked...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
