i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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