Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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