So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Blood and glitter go together right?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
