Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
