I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
