Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
