Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
