I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
