watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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