my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
