the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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