Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
