man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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