She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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