come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I just put wine in my tea
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
