No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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