My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
