Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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