His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
