You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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