Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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