Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
