Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
