2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you still have your period?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
