okay pat passed out under dana's car
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
