I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need a beard to bite.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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