just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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