she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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