You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
