Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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