I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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