I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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