Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
