Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
