you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
