she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
