2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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