I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
