Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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