My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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