Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They have beer where we have blood.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
