Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
