Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
