i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
