This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
