So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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