The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In other news, I just burned my penis
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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