"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
