she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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