I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
