A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
