atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
